Some of us "boomers" still have kids at home, and some of us are grandparents. I for one fall into both categories. Having a late start with my last 3, I have 3 at home and 2 adult sons already raised. That gives me some experience in dealing with the problem of kids and money. Especially since most of the time I've lived on a very tight budget. I know what it's like to have to tell my children "no" because I just couldn't afford it.
I've learned that telling kids they can't have something because we can't afford it is sending them the wrong message. They are learning to feel lack, and that they are deprived in some way. Giving-in and buying things that are not necessary even when we can't afford it is the wrong message too. They will learn to be credit dependant when they grow-up and you will be credit dependant
now.
I think we’ve become a society of spoiled kids and overspending adults. We live with the chains of debtors around our ankles and have helped fuel massive and unsustainable consumerism. First of all, don’t listen to George Bush and go shopping! What else can we do? We can teach our children a different way.
With school starting up again soon the shopping frenzy among teens and parents is well underway. Last year at this time my son, now 14, went shopping for school clothes and got himself a pretty nice hat for $44.00.
$44.00! And that was just the beginning! His perceived "needs" threw my tight budget into pandemonium and sent me running for more "Maalox". I think that children, as much as I love them, don't need, and shouldn't have unearned expensive luxuries just to keep up with the Jones’s kid. I think there’s something upside down about society when kids are spending more money on clothes then their parents do. In short, recent generations of kids have become way too spoiled.
My kids anyway, have also developed a mindset where everything must be new every school year. New backpacks, new shoes, new pants, new shirts, new binders, etc. Even if the old ones are still in good condition. They also believe that (since the other kids have one) cell phones are a necessity and quickly get bored with the one they have and constantly want to upgrade. Hmm.
Unfortunately, the dilemma is this; peer pressure. Many of the other kids have this expensive stuff and if your kid doesn't have all the right cool things then they are left out, picked-on, looked down upon and so forth. So what to do? Bite the bullet and buy the stuff and suffer the economic consequences and further the cause of rampant consumerism? Or make your kid suffer? Fortunately there’s another way which I’ll get to in a bit.
Ultimately it's not the kids fault. We as parents have a natural tendency to provide for our children the best we possibly can. And basic sound home economics gives way to the temptation of our feeling guilty if we don’t give our kid’s the things they want. And they want all they can get. After all they are kids and not exactly capable of thinking in a mature, rational way when it comes to clothes. It's the parents who are to blame. They are the ones buying the stuff for their kids, and then the other parents do the same so their kids can keep up and so on. The result? A society built on and controlled by unchecked and ultimately unsustainable consumerism.
I am totally in favor of school uniforms for just that reason. Every kid wears the same thing and the insanity stops. I wish we lived in a place where uniforms were required, but we don't. Strange thought coming from a child of the 60s huh? Well, in some cases I wax conservative.
How To Put the Brakes on SpendingThis is not an easy or painless solution but it's a solution. I suggest all parents do this regardless of whether they can afford $44.00 hats or not.
*If the teenager is old enough to work, have them get a job and they pay for their own clothes.
*If the teenager is too young to work, put them on a budget. Explain to them that they have X amount of dollars to spend on clothes. For example, they could go to the Goodwill and get 5 pairs of jeans, or they could get 3 pairs of reasonably priced new jeans or 1 pair of designer, name brand jeans.
The kids will play the “guilt card” on you. Don’t give-in but be reasonable, let them get a few things they really want and hold the line on other things. Don’t get involved in lengthy arguments over spending. Just offer a simple rational explanation, listen to their response with empathy and then stick to your guns! Above all don’t let them pull you in to getting emotional or feeling guilty. Stay calm and firm.
Teach them self-esteem and self-confidence to help them feel good about themselves despite peer pressure to have all the latest gadgets, clothes, cell phones etc.
And speaking of cell phones, I've got mixed feelings about them. On the one-hand they are handy for keeping tabs on our kids. But on the other-hand, their safety is questionable and their mostly just an expensive toy and status symbol. I guess, if you can afford it, go ahead and get your kid the latest and greatest. If money is tight but you feel a phone is necessary, get them one of those pre-paid phones such as "Net 10" (see link below). You could even give them an allowance to cover the expense and let them pay for it.
And finally, teach them basic budgeting so they can understand how money works. Give them an allowance and have them keep track of their money by keeping a record of money received, how much is spent, and savings. Teach them about the pitfalls of falling into the credit trap once they become adults and start getting bombarded with credit offers. Hopefully the lessons learned about budgeting as kids will make for wiser adults and a more enlightened, less materialistic society. Above all else, the best teaching tool is
you modeling intentional, responsible and rational spending habits.
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